Why does change feel scary?

If you’ve ever wondered why trying something new feels scary and why resistance comes up, it’s because your brain is designed to keep you safe. Your brain likes what feels familiar.  

Recall a time when you moved, changed jobs or started dating your partner. Can you remember feeling nervous or stressed? Even when change is welcome, resistance can show up. Maybe you experience it as tension or procrastination. 

Resistance is a form of opposition to change. In the political arena, a movement or resistance group can can be beneficial, helping to overturn outdated or unjust customs and laws. 

For a birthing woman or mother, resistance can take on a negative connotation. Ultimately, though it can be viewed as signal for the need to shift - physically, mentally or emotionally. 

A Birthing Mother’s Resistance

When I gave birth in 1990, I trusted my body and wanted an unmedicated birth. After many hours of labor, my doctor recommended Pitocin and I agreed. I didn’t understand its effects and how intense my contractions would become. Still, I didn’t want additional medications and refused an epidural. I resisted how my labor was unfolding and also resisted suitable interventions.  As a doula, knowing what I know now, it’s incomprehensible that I was allowed to labor on Pitocin, without an epidural. The intensity was unmanageable. While my uterus was contracting so was the whole rest of my body! I was unable to let go. In the end, I birthed by cesarean.

Identifying Resistance

This experience helps me recognize the different ways resistance can show up for a mom, physically and emotionally. Getting to know a client prenatally is essential as a doula. I want to know where a mama typically holds stress in her body. This way, I can cue her to relax her shoulders or unclench her jaw, for example. I also want to know about past experiences or traumas that could prevent her from letting go. I often remind a mama that she’s safe and help her focus on grounding and being present, using her breath. Her body provides accurate information. 

Learning to Let Go

Letting go of resistance is a lesson that shows up again and again, in different ways, until it’s learned. It took me a long time, for example, before I recognized that being a doula, while a calling, is a legitimate career path.

Becoming familiar with how resistance manifests for you is the first step in identifying and releasing.

How does resistance show up for you? Honestly assessing 3 aspects of your being can reveal clues.

This checklist can help you let go. 

Honestly assessing 3 states of your being reveals clues.

1. Physically - A key way we resist is through bracing.

Ask yourself:

Where are I holding, gripping or contracting? 

How am I holding my posture? Am I slouching or holding myself stiffly?

Is my breath smooth or choppy? 

2. Mentally - Key ways we resist is through denial, avoidance, intellectualization or defensiveness.

Ask yourself:

Am I creating different scenarios in my head? 

Am I ruminating? 

Am I focused on the future or the past? 

3. Emotionally - A key way we resist is by residing in fear, negative self-talk or unwillingness to be vulnerable. 

Ask yourself: 

Am I irritable? Sad? Unwilling to compromise? 

Am I pretending everything’s alright, when it’s not? 

Ultimately…

We’re all susceptible to resistance. It’s a common human experience. Awareness helps free up space in your body, mind and spirit. Feeling safe is essential if you’re to let go.

Begin to recognize how resistance shows up for. Use the checklist above. Then, it figure out how to make a change that makes sense for you and your family. Figure out if you need support too. Letting go is a surrender to ‘what is’ that ultimately gives you freedom to be open to possibilities. 

Need help letting go of resistance? Click the button below to get support.